A word about those ratings...

Journalists of all varieties, who have to review things for a living, spend ages crafting their words. Be it a paragraph or a page, they try to distill their thoughts into a carefully thought out piece which gives the reader an insight into the CD / game / film / whatever, to hopefully aid them into deciding whether to spend their hard earned cash on said product.

But what does the reader invariably do?

Head straight to the bottom and look at the score.

Usually it's a score out of 10. Sometimes it's a score out of 100. Occasionally (and I've never understood the logic behind this), it's a score out of 5.

A videogames magazine that I used to read would give a score out of 10 at the end of the review. And then in one issue, as an experiment, they left the scores off.

The howls of protest on the letters page the following month were matched by the cheers of those who approved this brave move. I guess it takes all sorts.

Me, I quite like them. If I'm flicking through a music magazine and I know I won't have time to read it all, I'll skim through looking for the highest rated albums in case there's something interesting. Most magazines don't give 10's / 100's / 5's (delete as appropriate) lightly, so if something has scored well, then I'm curious.

Conversely, a friend of mine used to look through Q magazine, looking for the 1 star reviews, claiming that they were as entertaining if not more so, than the high scoring albums.

Takes, as I believe I mentioned earlier, all sorts.

So I've decided to give my reviews a score out of 10. They're not the product of any scientific thought, or the sum total of a number of sub-dissections - they're just the score out of 10 that springs to mind after I've listened to it.

Actually, it's the score out of 11, as I'm including zero as a valid score.

For interest, here are the thoughts behind each score.

The DSP scale of musical appreciation.

0 : This is not good. This is not good at all. The only possible reason for owning this is to play when you have guests who won't take the hint and go home at the end of the evening. And even then it's questionable. And you'll want to be out of the room while it's on. Preferably in the hall, getting their coats.

1 : Look long enough and hard enough, and you may - possibly - find some small redeeming feature on this album. Ask yourself 'Do I have that much spare time?' I doubt it.

2 : Well I've heard worse. But not very often.

3 : Maybe there's one good track on here, amidst an album of dross. These days you can just download that one track, but when I bought this, it was the album or nothing.

4 : This is… ok. You wouldn't run back into a burning building to save it, but you wouldn't throw it out either. Nearly average.

5 : Whereas this is average. Not awful, not amazing. Or maybe there's a couple of great tracks that are evened out by some tosh. Either way, the scales of taste settle right in the middle.

6 : This is more like it. The good outweighs the bad. Maybe there's some poor stuff on here, but you wouldn't worry if a guest rummaged through your CD collection and pulled this out.

7 : Quality album. A diamond in the waste. There's good stuff on here. One of the mainstays of a CD collection. If you haven't got this, you ought to seriously consider it.

8 : This is the cat's pyjamas. This is a no-messing, rock-solid-dependable great album. You may put this on at any time without fear of criticism. If anybody does criticise, it's because they've got poor taste, not you.

9 : This is the Mona Lisa with a hair out of place. A supermodel with a ladder in her stocking. A Four Seasons pizza with a single anchovy. Almost, but not quite, perfection.

10 : Buy this album. Buy it now! Sell children or body parts to finance the purchase if need be, but BUY IT. Now!

Go!

GO!